Death envy

In September 2001, I wondered what my father would have thought upon seeing New York’s World Trade Centre towers crumbling to the ground in huge clouds of dust.

He was a true New Yorker, loved the city and equally hated the aspects that didn’t align with his views. It was his home. Seeing it attacked by Saudi hijackers at the controls of passenger aircraft would have truly pissed him off.

When I was a kid in the 70s, I can recall him grumbling at Richard Nixon during a televised presidential address. Sitting on the floor playing with my toys I could sense my father’s anger toward Nixon. Did he actually utter the word, “Liar” a few times? That’s when I learned that not all Americans respect their president.

Because my father died before those planes took down the World Trade Center towers, he didn’t have to experience the related shock, anger and dismay that those of us who were around at the time did.

How much worse things have gotten since then. In a way, I envy my father and all others who left us before the world reached this, (how to describe it?) dismal state of affairs.

Yeah, there is some jealousy in my veins, as my father did not have to witness the rise of deplorable Donald Trump to the White House, where the dotard’s decisions resulted with the United States experiencing the highest rate of deaths from the coronavirus pandemic, something he initially labelled a “democrat hoax”.

My father’s demise also saved him from witnessing the same President Trump calling on his flock of racist fascists to attack the US Capital in a seditious attempt to reverse the decision of the voters in a despicable and fortunately failed insurrection, leaving several dead in its wake.

It is somewhat surrealistic to consider that my father has also been spared the disgust of seeing the spread of autocracy throughout the world, while inaction to address climate change is fueling storms and floods and fires causing havoc in areas never before subject to the deadly forces of nature.

Is this really happening? How can this be happening?

Checking out in 1991 saved my Dad from experiencing the distress created by all these stupifying events.

So yeah, part of me envies him, while yet another part of me is pleased that before he left, he got to enjoy being a grandfather for just a few months.

What a lucky fellow.


This post could raise thoughts leading to suicidal ideation. If your thoughts go in that direction, please contact a suicide prevention service such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States at 1 800 273 8255 (TALK) or in Singapore the SOS 24-hour hotline at 1800 221 4444. You can also email pat@sos.org.sg. A list of additional resources is available at SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.

Published by Thomas Timlen

Where to begin? Perhaps the web content says it best...

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